The Florentine camp.
[Enter the two French Lords
and some two or three Soldiers]
First Lord You have not given him his mother’s letter?
Second Lord I have delivered it an hour since: there is
something in’t that stings his nature; for on the
reading it he changed almost into another man.
First Lord He has much worthy blame laid upon him for
shaking off so good a wife and so sweet a lady.
Second Lord Especially he hath incurred the everlasting
displeasure of the king, who had even tuned his
bounty to sing happiness to him. I will tell you a
thing, but you shall let it dwell darkly with you.
First Lord When you have spoken it, ’tis dead,
and I am the grave of it.
Second Lord He hath perverted a young gentlewoman here
in Florence, of a most chaste renown; and this night he fleshes
his will in the spoil of her honour: he hath given her his
monumental ring, and thinks himself made in the unchaste
composition.
First Lord Now, God delay our rebellion! as we are ourselves,
what things are we!
Second Lord Merely our own traitors. And as in the common
course of all treasons, we still see them reveal themselves, till
they attain to their abhorred ends, so he that in this action
contrives against his own nobility, in his proper stream o’erflows
himself.
First Lord Is it not meant damnable in us, to be trumpeters of
our unlawful intents? We shall not then have his company to-night?
Second Lord Not till after midnight; for he is dieted to his hour.
First Lord That approaches apace; I would gladly have him see
his company anatomized, that he might take a measure of his own
judgments, wherein so curiously he had set this counterfeit.
Second Lord We will not meddle with him till he come; for his
presence must be the whip of the other.
First Lord In the mean time, what hear you of these wars?
Second Lord I hear there is an overture of peace.
First Lord Nay, I assure you, a peace concluded.
Second Lord What will Count Rousillon do then?
will he travel higher, or return again into France?
First Lord I perceive, by this demand, you are not
altogether of his council.
Second Lord Let it be forbid, sir; so should I be a
great deal of his act.
First Lord Sir, his wife some two months since fled from
his house: her pretence is a pilgrimage to Saint Jaques le Grand;
which holy undertaking with most austere sanctimony she
accomplished; and, there residing the tenderness of her nature
became as a prey to her grief; in fine, made a groan of her last
breath, and now she sings in heaven.
Second Lord How is this justified?
First Lord The stronger part of it by her own letters, which
makes her story true, even to the point of her death: her death
itself, which could not be her office to say is come, was faithfully
confirmed by the rector of the place.
Second Lord Hath the count all this intelligence?
First Lord Ay, and the particular confirmations, point from
point, so to the full arming of the verity.
Second Lord I am heartily sorry that he’ll be glad of this.
First Lord How mightily sometimes we make us
comforts of our losses!
Second Lord And how mightily some other times we drown
our gain in tears! The great dignity that his valour hath here
acquired for him shall at home be encountered with a shame
as ample.
First Lord The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good
and ill together: our virtues would be proud, if our faults
whipped them not; and our crimes would despair,
if they were not cherished by our virtues.
[Enter BERTRAM]
How now, my lord! is’t not after midnight?
BERTRAM I have to-night dispatched sixteen businesses,
a month’s length a-piece, by an abstract of success:
I have congied with the duke, done my adieu with his
nearest; buried a wife, mourned for her; writ to my
lady mother I am returning; entertained my convoy;
and between these main parcels of dispatch effected
many nicer needs; the last was the greatest, but
that I have not ended yet.
Second Lord If the business be of any difficulty, and this
morning your departure hence, it requires haste of
your lordship.
BERTRAM I mean, the business is not ended, as fearing
to hear of it hereafter. But shall we have this dialogue
between the fool and the soldier? Come, bring forth this
counterfeit module, he has deceived me, like a
double-meaning prophesier.
Second Lord Bring him forth: has sat i’ the stocks all night,
poor gallant knave.
BERTRAM No matter: his heels have deserved it, in usurping
his spurs so long. How does he carry himself?
Second Lord I have told your lordship already, the stocks carry
him. But to answer you as you would be understood;
he weeps like a wench that had shed her milk: he
hath confessed himself to Morgan, whom he supposes
to be a friar, from the time of his remembrance to
this very instant disaster of his setting i’ the
stocks: and what think you he hath confessed?
BERTRAM Nothing of me, has a’?
Second Lord His confession is taken, and it shall be read to
his face: if your lordship be in’t, as I believe you are,
you must have the patience to hear it.
[Enter PAROLLES guarded, and First Soldier]
BERTRAM A plague upon him! muffled! he can say
nothing of me: hush, hush!
First Lord Hoodman comes! Portotartarosa
First Soldier He calls for the tortures: what will you say
without ’em?
PAROLLES I will confess what I know without constraint:
if ye pinch me like a pasty, I can say no more.
First Soldier Bosko chimurcho.
First Lord Boblibindo chicurmurco.
First Soldier You are a merciful general. Our general bids
you answer to what I shall ask you out of a note.
PAROLLES And truly, as I hope to live.
First Soldier [Reads] ‘First demand of him how many horse
the duke is strong.’ What say you to that?
PAROLLES Five or six thousand; but very weak and
unserviceable: the troops are all scattered, and the
commanders very poor rogues, upon my reputation
and credit and as I hope to live.
First Soldier Shall I set down your answer so?
PAROLLES Do: I’ll take the sacrament on’t, how
and which way you will.
BERTRAM All’s one to him. What a past-saving slave is this!
First Lord You’re deceived, my lord: this is Monsieur
Parolles, the gallant militarist,–that was his own
phrase,–that had the whole theoric of war in the
knot of his scarf, and the practise in the chape of
his dagger.
Second Lord I will never trust a man again for keeping his
sword clean. nor believe he can have every thing in him
by wearing his apparel neatly.
First Soldier Well, that’s set down.
PAROLLES Five or six thousand horse, I said,– I will say
true,–or thereabouts, set down, for I’ll speak truth.
First Lord He’s very near the truth in this.
BERTRAM But I con him no thanks for’t, in the
nature he delivers it.
First Soldier [Reads] ‘Demand of him, of what strength
they are a-foot.’ What say you to that?
PAROLLES By my troth, sir, if I were to live this present
hour, I will tell true. Let me see: Spurio, a hundred and fifty;
Sebastian, so many; Corambus, so many; Jaques, so many;
Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowick, and Gratii, two hundred and
fifty each; mine own company, Chitopher, Vaumond, Bentii,
two hundred and fifty each: half of the which dare not shake
snow from off their cassocks, lest they shake themselves to pieces.
BERTRAM What shall be done to him?
First Lord Nothing, but let him have thanks. Demand of him
my condition, and what credit I have with the duke.
First Soldier Well, that’s set down.
[Reads]
‘You shall demand of him, whether one Captain Dumain
be i’ the camp, a Frenchman; what his reputation is
with the duke; what his valour, honesty, and
expertness in wars; or whether he thinks it were not
possible, with well-weighing sums of gold, to
corrupt him to revolt.’ What say you to this? what
do you know of it?
PAROLLES I beseech you, let me answer to the particular
of the inter’gatories: demand them singly.
First Soldier Do you know this Captain Dumain?
PAROLLES I know him: a’ was a botcher’s ‘prentice in Paris,
from whence he was whipped for getting the shrieve’s fool
with child,–a dumb innocent, that could not say him nay.
BERTRAM Nay, by your leave, hold your hands; though I
know his brains are forfeit to the next tile that falls.
First Soldier Well,
is this captain in the duke of Florence’s camp?
PAROLLES Upon my knowledge, he is, and lousy.
First Lord Nay look not so upon me; we shall hear of
your lordship anon.
First Soldier What is his reputation with the duke?
PAROLLES The duke knows him for no other but a poor
officer of mine; and writ to me this other day to turn him
out o’ the band: I think I have his letter in my pocket.
First Soldier Marry, we’ll search.
PAROLLES In good sadness, I do not know; either it is
there, or it is upon a file with the duke’s other letters
in my tent.
First Soldier Here ’tis; here’s a paper: shall I read it to you?
PAROLLES I do not know if it be it or no.
BERTRAM Our interpreter does it well.
First Lord Excellently.
First Soldier [Reads] ‘Dian, the count’s a fool, and full of gold,’–
PAROLLES That is not the duke’s letter, sir; that is an
advertisement to a proper maid in Florence, one
Diana, to take heed of the allurement of one Count
Rousillon, a foolish idle boy, but for all that very
ruttish: I pray you, sir, put it up again.
First Soldier Nay, I’ll read it first, by your favour.
PAROLLES My meaning in’t, I protest, was very honest in
the behalf of the maid; for I knew the young count to be
a dangerous and lascivious boy, who is a whale to
virginity and devours up all the fry it finds.
BERTRAM Damnable both-sides rogue!
First Soldier [Reads] ‘When he swears oaths,
bid him drop gold, and take it;
After he scores, he never pays the score:
Half won is match well made; match, and well make it;
He ne’er pays after-debts, take it before;
And say a soldier, Dian, told thee this,
Men are to mell with, boys are not to kiss:
For count of this, the count’s a fool, I know it,
Who pays before, but not when he does owe it.
Thine, as he vowed to thee in thine ear,
PAROLLES.’
BERTRAM He shall be whipped through the army with
this rhyme in’s forehead.
Second Lord This is your devoted friend, sir, the manifold
linguist and the armipotent soldier.
BERTRAM I could endure any thing before but a cat, |
and now he’s a cat to me.
First Soldier I perceive, sir, by the general’s looks,
we shall be fain to hang you.
PAROLLES My life, sir, in any case: not that I am afraid to
die; but that, my offences being many, I would repent out the
remainder of nature: let me live, sir, in a dungeon, i’ the stocks,
or any where, so I may live.
First Soldier We’ll see what may be done, so you confess freely;
therefore, once more to this Captain Dumain: what is his honesty?
PAROLLES He will lie, sir, with such volubility,
that you would think truth were a fool.
First Soldier What’s his brother, the other Captain Dumain?
Second Lord Why does be ask him of me?
First Soldier What’s he?
PAROLLES E’en a crow o’ the same nest; he excels his brother
for a coward, yet his brother is reputed one of the best that is.
First Soldier If your life be saved, will you undertake to betray
the Florentine?
PAROLLES Ay, and the captain of his horse, Count Rousillon.
First Soldier I’ll whisper with the general, and know his pleasure.
PAROLLES [Aside] I’ll no more drumming; a plague of all
drums! Only to seem to deserve well, and to beguile the
supposition of that lascivious young boy the count, have I
run into this danger. Yet who would have suspected an ambush
where I was taken?
First Soldier There is no remedy, sir, but you must die:
the general says, you that have so traitorously discovered
the secrets of your army and made such pestiferous reports
of men very nobly held, can serve the world for no honest
use; therefore you must die. Come, headsman, off with his head.
PAROLLES O Lord, sir, let me live, or let me see my death!
First Lord That shall you, and take your leave of all your friends.
[Unblinding him]
So, look about you: know you any here?
BERTRAM Good morrow, noble captain.
Second Lord God bless you, Captain Parolles.
First Lord God save you, noble captain.
Second Lord Captain, what greeting will you to my Lord Lafeu?
I am for France.
First Lord Good captain, will you give me a copy of the sonnet
you writ to Diana in behalf of the Count Rousillon? an I were not
a very coward, I’ld compel it of you: but fare you well.
[Exeunt BERTRAM and Lords]
First Soldier You are undone, captain, all but your scarf;
that has a knot on’t yet
PAROLLES Who cannot be crushed with a plot?
First Soldier If you could find out a country where but women
were that had received so much shame, you might begin an
impudent nation. Fare ye well, sir; I am for France too:
we shall speak of you there.
[Exit with Soldiers]
PAROLLES Yet am I thankful: if my heart were great,
‘Twould burst at this. Captain I’ll be no more;
But I will eat and drink, and sleep as soft
As captain shall: simply the thing I am
Shall make me live. Who knows himself a braggart,
Let him fear this, for it will come to pass
that every braggart shall be found an ass.
Rust, sword? cool, blushes! and, Parolles, live
Safest in shame! being fool’d, by foolery thrive!
There’s place and means for every man alive.
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