Camp before Florence.
[Enter BERTRAM and the two French Lords]
Second Lord Nay, good my lord, put him to’t; let him have his
way.
First Lord If your lordship find him not a hilding, hold me no
more in your respect.
Second Lord On my life, my lord, a bubble.
BERTRAM Do you think I am so far deceived in him?
Second Lord Believe it, my lord, in mine own direct knowledge,
without any malice, but to speak of him as my kinsman, he’s a
most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly
promise-breaker, the owner of no one good quality worthy
your lordship’s entertainment.
First Lord It were fit you knew him; lest, reposing too far in
his virtue, which he hath not, he might at some great and trusty
business in a main danger fail you.
BERTRAM I would I knew in what particular action to try him.
First Lord None better than to let him fetch off his drum,
which you hear him so confidently undertake to do.
Second Lord I, with a troop of Florentines, will suddenly
surprise him; such I will have, whom I am sure he
knows not from the enemy: we will bind and hoodwink
him so, that he shall suppose no other but that he
is carried into the leaguer of the adversaries, when
we bring him to our own tents. Be but your lordship
present at his examination: if he do not, for the
promise of his life and in the highest compulsion of
base fear, offer to betray you and deliver all the
intelligence in his power against you, and that with
the divine forfeit of his soul upon oath, never
trust my judgment in any thing.
First Lord O, for the love of laughter, let him fetch his drum;
he says he has a stratagem for’t: when your lordship sees the
bottom of his success in’t, and to what metal this counterfeit
lump of ore will be melted, if you give him not John Drum’s
entertainment, your inclining cannot be removed.
Here he comes.
[Enter PAROLLES]
Second Lord [Aside to BERTRAM] O, for the love of laughter,
hinder not the honour of his design: let him fetch off his drum
in any hand.
BERTRAM How now, monsieur! this drum sticks
sorely in your disposition.
First Lord A pox on’t, let it go; ’tis but a drum.
PAROLLES ‘But a drum’! is’t ‘but a drum’? A drum so lost!
There was excellent command,–to charge in with our
horse upon our own wings, and to rend our own soldiers!
First Lord That was not to be blamed in the command of
the service: it was a disaster of war that Caesar himself
could not have prevented, if he had been there to command.
BERTRAM Well, we cannot greatly condemn our success:
some dishonour we had in the loss of that drum; but it is
not to be recovered.
PAROLLES It might have been recovered.
BERTRAM It might; but it is not now.
PAROLLES It is to be recovered: but that the merit of
service is seldom attributed to the true and exact performer,
I would have that drum or another, or ‘hic jacet.’
BERTRAM Why, if you have a stomach, to’t, monsieur: if you
think your mystery in stratagem can bring this instrument of
honour again into his native quarter, be magnanimous in the
enterprise and go on; I will grace the attempt for a worthy exploit:
if you speed well in it, the duke shall both speak of it.
and extend to you what further becomes his greatness,
even to the utmost syllable of your worthiness.
PAROLLES By the hand of a soldier, I will undertake it.
BERTRAM But you must not now slumber in it.
PAROLLES I’ll about it this evening: and I will presently
pen down my dilemmas, encourage myself in my
certainty, put myself into my mortal preparation;
and by midnight look to hear further from me.
BERTRAM May I be bold to acquaint his grace
you are gone about it?
PAROLLES I know not what the success will be, my lord;
but the attempt I vow.
BERTRAM I know thou’rt valiant; and, to the possibility
of thy soldiership, will subscribe for thee. Farewell.
PAROLLES I love not many words.
[Exit]
Second Lord No more than a fish loves water. Is not this a
strange fellow, my lord, that so confidently seems to undertake
this business, which he knows is not to be done; damns himself
to do and dares better be damned than to do’t?
First Lord You do not know him, my lord, as we do: certain it
is that he will steal himself into a man’s favour and for a week
escape a great deal of discoveries; but when you find him out,
you have him ever after.
BERTRAM Why, do you think he will make no deed at all of
this that so seriously he does address himself unto?
Second Lord None in the world; but return with an invention
and clap upon you two or three probable lies: but we have
almost embossed him; you shall see his fall to-night; for indeed
he is not for your lordship’s respect.
First Lord We’ll make you some sport with the fox ere we
case him. He was first smoked by the old lord Lafeu: when
his disguise and he is parted, tell me what a sprat you shall
find him; which you shall see this very night.
Second Lord I must go look my twigs: he shall be caught.
BERTRAM Your brother he shall go along with me.
Second Lord As’t please your lordship: I’ll leave you.
[Exit]
BERTRAM Now will I lead you to the house,
and show you the lass I spoke of.
First Lord But you say she’s honest.
BERTRAM That’s all the fault: I spoke with her but once
And found her wondrous cold; but I sent to her,
By this same coxcomb that we have i’ the wind,
Tokens and letters which she did re-send;
And this is all I have done. She’s a fair creature:
Will you go see her?
First Lord With all my heart, my lord.
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