A field near Frogmore.
[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE]
SIR HUGH EVANS
I pray you now, good master Slender’s
serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way
have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself
doctor of physic?
SIMPLE Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every
way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town
way.
SIR HUGH EVANS I most fehemently desire you you will
also look that way.
SIMPLE I will, sir.
[Exit]
SIR HUGH EVANS ‘Pless my soul, how full of chollors
I am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have
deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog
his urinals about his knave’s costard when I have
good opportunities for the ork. ‘Pless my soul!
[Sings]
To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals;
There will we make our peds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow–
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.
[Sings]
Melodious birds sing madrigals–
When as I sat in Pabylon–
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow &c.
[Re-enter SIMPLE]
SIMPLE Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.
SIR HUGH EVANS He’s welcome.
[Sings]
To shallow rivers, to whose falls-
Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
SIMPLE No weapons, sir. There comes my master,
Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore,
over the stile, this way.
SIR HUGH EVANS Pray you, give me my gown;
or else keep it in your arms.
[Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER]
SHALLOW How now, master Parson!
Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.
Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student
from his book, and it is wonderful.
SLENDER [Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE ‘Save you, good Sir Hugh!
SIR HUGH EVANS
‘Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
SHALLOW What, the sword and the word!
do you study them both, master parson?
PAGE And youthful still! in your doublet
and hose this raw rheumatic day!
SIR HUGH EVANS There is reasons and causes for it.
PAGE We are come to you to do a good office,
master parson.
SIR HUGH EVANS Fery well: what is it?
PAGE Yonder is a most reverend gentleman,
who, belike having received wrong by some person,
is at most odds with his own gravity and patience
that ever you saw.
SHALLOW I have lived fourscore years and upward;
I never heard a man of his place, gravity and learning,
so wide of his own respect.
SIR HUGH EVANS What is he?
PAGE I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius,
the renowned French physician.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Got’s will, and his passion of my heart!
I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
PAGE Why?
SIR HUGH EVANS
He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,
–and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you
would desires to be acquainted withal.
PAGE I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him.
SHALLOW [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
SHALLOW It appears so by his weapons.
Keep them asunder: here comes Doctor Caius.
[Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY]
PAGE Nay, good master parson,
keep in your weapon.
SHALLOW So do you, good master doctor.
Host Disarm them, and let them question: let them
keep their limbs whole and hack our English.
DOCTOR CAIUS
I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.
Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
SIR HUGH EVANS [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you,
use your patience: in good time.
DOCTOR CAIUS By gar,
you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
SIR HUGH EVANS [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS]
Pray you let us not be laughing-stocks to other men’s
humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one
way or other make you amends.
[Aloud]
I will knog your urinals about your knave’s
cockscomb for missing your meetings and
appointments.
DOCTOR CAIUS Diable! Jack Rugby,
–mine host de Jarteer,–have I not stay for him to
kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint?
SIR HUGH EVANS As I am a Christians soul now,
look you, this is the place appointed: I’ll be judgement
by mine host of the Garter.
Host Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer!
DOCTOR CAIUS Ay, dat is very good; excellent.
Host Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I
lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir
Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have
deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are
whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
follow, follow, follow.
SHALLOW Trust me, a mad host. Follow,
gentlemen, follow.
SLENDER [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
[Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host]
DOCTOR CAIUS Ha, do I perceive dat?
have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha?
SIR HUGH EVANS
This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog.
I desire you that we may be friends; and let us
knog our prains together to be revenge on this same
scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
DOCTOR CAIUS By gar, with all my heart.
He promise to bring me where is Anne Page;
by gar, he deceive me too.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.
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