Henry IV Part Two | Act 3.2

Gloucestershire. Before
SHALLOW’S house.

[Enter SHALLOW and SILENCE, meeting;
MOULDY, SHADOW, WART, FEEBLE,
BULLCALF, a Servant or two with them]

SHALLOW     Come on, come on, come on, sir;
give me your hand, sir, give me your hand, sir:
an early stirrer, by the rood! And how doth my
good cousin Silence?

SILENCE     Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.

SHALLOW     And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow?
and your fairest daughter and mine,
my god-daughter Ellen?

SILENCE     Alas, a black ousel, cousin Shallow!

SHALLOW     By yea and nay, sir, I dare say my
cousin William is become a good scholar:
he is at Oxford still, is he not?

SILENCE      Indeed, sir, to my cost.

SHALLOW     A’ must, then, to the inns o’ court shortly.
I was once of Clement’s Inn, where I think they will
talk of mad Shallow yet.

SILENCE      You were called ‘lusty Shallow’ then, cousin.

SHALLOW     By the mass, I was called any thing;
and I would have done any thing indeed too,
and roundly too. There was I, and little John Doit
of Staffordshire, and black George Barnes, and
Francis Pickbone, and Will Squele, a Cotswold man;
you had not four such swinge-bucklers in all the inns
o’ court again: and I may say to you, we knew where
the bona-robas were and had the best of them all at
commandment. Then was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John,
a boy, and page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.

SILENCE      This Sir John,
cousin, that comes hither anon about soldiers?

SHALLOW     The same Sir John, the very same.
I see him break Skogan’s head at the court-gate,
when a’ was a crack not thus high: and the very
same day did I fight with one Sampson Stockfish,
a fruiterer, behind Gray’s Inn. Jesu, Jesu, the mad
days that I have spent! and to see how many of my
old acquaintance are dead!

SILENCE      We shall all follow, cousin.

SHADOW     Certain, ’tis certain; very sure, very sure: death,
as the Psalmist saith, is certain to all; all shall
die. How a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford fair?

SILENCE      By my troth, I was not there.

SHALLOW     Death is certain.
Is old Double of your town living yet?

SILENCE      Dead, sir.

SHALLOW      Jesu, Jesu, dead! a’ drew a good bow; and dead! a’
shot a fine shoot: John a Gaunt loved him well, and
betted much money on his head. Dead! a’ would have
clapped i’ the clout at twelve score; and carried
you a forehand shaft a fourteen and fourteen and a
half, that it would have done a man’s heart good to
see. How a score of ewes now?

SILENCE      Thereafter as they be: a score of good
ewes may be worth ten pounds.

SHALLOW      And is old Double dead?

SILENCE      Here come two of Sir John Falstaff’s men,
as I think.

[Enter BARDOLPH and one with him]

BARDOLPH      Good morrow, honest gentlemen:
I beseech you, which is Justice Shallow?

SHALLOW      I am Robert Shallow, sir; a poor esquire
of this county, and one of the king’s justices of the peace:
What is your good pleasure with me?

BARDOLPH      My captain, sir, commends him to you;
my captain, Sir John Falstaff, a tall gentleman,
by heaven, and a most gallant leader.

SHALLOW      He greets me well, sir. I knew him a
good backsword man. How doth the good knight?
may I ask how my lady his wife doth?

BARDOLPH      Sir, pardon; a soldier is better
accommodated than with a wife.

SHALLOW      It is well said, in faith, sir; and it is well said
indeed too. Better accommodated! it is good; yea,
indeed, is it: good phrases are surely, and ever
were, very commendable. Accommodated! it comes of
‘accommodo’ very good; a good phrase.

BARDOLPH      Pardon me, sir; I have heard the word.
Phrase call you it? by this good day, I know not the phrase;
but I will maintain the word with my sword to be a
soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good
command, by heaven.

[Enter FALSTAFF]

SHALLOW      Look, here comes good Sir John.
Give me your good hand, give me your worship’s
good hand: by my troth, you like well and bear your
years very well: welcome, good Sir John.

FALSTAFF      I am glad to see you well,
good Master Robert Shallow: Master Surecard, as I think?

SHALLOW     No, Sir John; it is my cousin Silence,
in commission with me.

FALSTAFF     Good Master Silence,
it well befits you should be of the peace.

SILENCE      Your good-worship is welcome.

FALSTAFF     Fie! this is hot weather, gentlemen.
Have you provided me here half a dozen
sufficient men?

SHALLOW     Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?

FALSTAFF      Let me see them, I beseech you.

SHALLOW      Where’s the roll? where’s the roll?
where’s the roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see.
So, so: yea, marry, sir: Ralph Mouldy! Let them
appear as I call; let them do so, let them do so.
Let me see; where is Mouldy?

MOULDY     Here, an’t please you.

SHALLOW     What think you, Sir John?
a good-limbed fellow; young, strong,
and of good friends.

FALSTAFF     Is thy name Mouldy?

MOULDY      Yea, an’t please you.

FALSTAFF     ‘Tis the more time thou wert used.

SHALLOW     Ha, ha, ha! most excellent, i’ faith!
Things that are mouldy lack use: very singular good!
in faith, well said, Sir John, very well said.

FALSTAFF     Prick him.

MOULDY      I was pricked well enough before,
an you could have let me alone: my old dame will be
undone now for one to do her husbandry and her
drudgery: you need not to have pricked me; there
are other men fitter to go out than I.

FALSTAFF      Go to: peace, Mouldy; you shall go.
Mouldy, it is time you were spent.

MOULDY     Spent!

SHALLOW     Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside:
know you where you are? For the other, Sir John:
let me see: Simon Shadow!

FALSTAFF     Yea, marry, let me have him to sit under:
he’s like to be a cold soldier.

SHALLOW      Where’s Shadow?

SHADOW      Here, sir.

FALSTAFF     Shadow, whose son art thou?

SHADOW     My mother’s son, sir.

FALSTAFF     Thy mother’s son! like enough,
and thy father’s shadow…

SHALLOW     Do you like him, Sir John?

FALSTAFF     Shadow will serve for summer; prick him!

SHALLOW     Thomas Wart!

FALSTAFF     Where’s he?

WART     Here, sir.

FALSTAFF    Is thy name Wart?

WART    Yea, sir.

FALSTAFF     Thou art a very ragged wart.

SHALLOW     Shall I prick him down, Sir John?

FALSTAFF     It were superfluous; for his apparel is
built upon his back and the whole frame stands
upon pins: prick him no more.

SHALLOW     Ha, ha, ha! you can do it, sir; you can do it:
I commend you well. Francis Feeble!

FEEBLE      Here, sir.

FALSTAFF      What trade art thou, Feeble?

FEEBLE     A woman’s tailor, sir.

SHALLOW     Shall I prick him, sir?

FALSTAFF      You may: but if he had been a man’s tailor,
he’ld ha’ pricked you. Wilt thou make as many holes in
an enemy’s battle as thou hast done in a woman’s petticoat?

FEEBLE      I will do my good will, sir; you can have no more.

FALSTAFF      Well said, good woman’s tailor! well said,
courageous Feeble! thou wilt be as valiant as the
wrathful dove or most magnanimous mouse. Prick the
woman’s tailor: well, Master Shallow; deep, Master Shallow.
Who is next?

SHALLOW      Peter Bullcalf o’ the green!

FALSTAFF     Yea, marry, let’s see Bullcalf.

BULLCALF      Here, sir.

FALSTAFF      ‘Fore God, a likely fellow!
Come, prick me Bullcalf till he roar again.

BULLCALF      O Lord! good my lord captain,–

FALSTAFF     What,
dost thou roar before thou art pricked?

BULLCALF     O Lord, sir! I am a diseased man.

FALSTAFF      What disease hast thou?

BULLCALF      A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir,
which I caught with ringing in the king’s affairs
upon his coronation-day, sir.

FALSTAFF      Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown;
we wilt have away thy cold; and I will take such order
that my friends shall ring for thee. Is here all?

SHALLOW       Here is two more called than your number,
you must have but four here, sir: and so, I pray you,
go in with me to dinner.

FALSTAFF      Come, I will go drink with you, but I
cannot tarry dinner. I am glad to see you,
by my troth, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW      O, Sir John, do you remember since
we lay all night in the windmill in Saint George’s field?

FALSTAFF      No more of that, good Master Shallow,
no more of that.

SHALLOW      Ha! ’twas a merry night.
And is Jane Nightwork alive?

FALSTAFF      She lives, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW      She never could away with me.

FALSTAFF      Never, never; she would always say
she could not abide Master Shallow.

SHALLOW      By the mass, I could anger her to the heart.
She was then a bona-roba. Doth she hold her own well?

FALSTAFF      Old, old, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW     Nay, she must be old; she cannot choose
but be old; certain she’s old; and had Robin Nightwork
by old Nightwork before I came to Clement’s Inn.

SILENCE      That’s fifty-five year ago.

SHALLOW      Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen
that that this knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?

FALSTAFF      We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW      That we have, that we have, that we have; in faith,
Sir John, we have: our watch-word was ‘Hem boys!’
Come, let’s to dinner; come, let’s to dinner:
Jesus, the days that we have seen! Come, come.

[Exeunt FALSTAFF and Justices]

BULLCALF      Good Master Corporate Bardolph,
stand my friend; and here’s four Harry ten shillings
in French crowns for you. In very truth, sir, I had as
lief be hanged, sir, as go: and yet, for mine own part, sir,
I do not care; but rather, because I am unwilling,
and, for mine own part, have a desire to stay with
my friends; else, sir, I did not care, for mine own
part, so much.

BARDOLPH     Go to; stand aside.

MOULDY      And, good master corporal captain,
for my old dame’s sake, stand my friend: she has
nobody to do any thing about her when I am gone;
and she is old, and cannot help herself:
You shall have forty, sir.

BARDOLPH     Go to; stand aside.

FEEBLE      By my troth, I care not; a man can die but once:
we owe God a death: I’ll ne’er bear a base mind:
an’t be my destiny, so; an’t be not, so: no man is
too good to serve’s prince; and let it go which way
it will, he that dies this year is quit for the next.

BARDOLPH      Well said; thou’rt a good fellow.

FEEBLE     Faith, I’ll bear no base mind.

[Re-enter FALSTAFF and the Justices]

FALSTAFF      Come, sir, which men shall I have?

SHALLOW     Four of which you please.

BARDOLPH     Sir, a word with you: I have three
pound to free Mouldy and Bullcalf.

FALSTAFF     Go to; well.

SHALLOW     Come, Sir John, which four will you have?

FALSTAFF    Do you choose for me.

SHALLOW    Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf,
Feeble and Shadow.

FALSTAFF    Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy,
stay at home till you are past service: and for your part,
Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it: I will none of you.

SHALLOW     Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong:
they are your likeliest men, and I would have you
served with the best.

FALSTAFF     Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to
choose a man? Care I for the limb, the thewes, the
stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give
me the spirit, Master Shallow. Here’s Wart; you see
what a ragged appearance it is; a’ shall charge you
and discharge you with the motion of a pewterer’s
hammer, and this same half-faced fellow, Shadow;
give me this man: he presents no mark to the enemy;
the foeman may with as great aim level at the edge of
a penknife. And for a retreat; how swiftly will this Feeble
the woman’s tailor run off! O, give me the spare men,
and spare me the great ones. Put me a caliver
into Wart’s hand, Bardolph.

BARDOLPH      Hold, Wart, traverse; thus, thus, thus.

FALSTAFF      Come, manage me your caliver. So: very well:
go to: very good, exceeding good. O, give me always a
little, lean, old, chapt, bald shot. Well said, i’
faith, Wart; thou’rt a good scab: hold, there’s a
tester for thee.

SHALLOW      He is not his craft’s master; he doth not do it
right. I remember at Mile-end Green, when I lay at
Clement’s Inn–I was then Sir Dagonet in Arthur’s
show,–there was a little quiver fellow, and a’
would manage you his piece thus; and a’ would about
and about, and come you in and come you in: ‘rah,
tah, tah,’ would a’ say; ‘bounce’ would a’ say; and
away again would a’ go, and again would a’ come: I
shall ne’er see such a fellow.

FALSTAFF      These fellows will do well, Master Shallow.
God keep you, Master Silence: I will not use many words
with you. Fare you well, gentlemen both: I thank
you: I must a dozen mile to-night.
Bardolph, lead these men away.

[Exeunt BARDOLPH, Recruits, &c]

SHALLOW     Sir John, the Lord bless you! God prosper
your affairs! God send us peace! At your return visit
our house; let our old acquaintance be renewed;
peradventure I will with ye to the court.

FALSTAFF      ‘Fore God, I would you would, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW     Go to; I have spoke at a word. God keep you.

FALSTAFF     Fare you well, gentle gentlemen.

[Exeunt Justices]

As I return, I will fetch off these justices: I do
see the bottom of Justice Shallow. Lord, Lord, how
subject we old men are to this vice of lying! This
same starved justice hath done nothing but prate to
me of the wildness of his youth, and the feats he
hath done about Turnbull Street: and every third
word a lie… I do remember him at Clement’s Inn like a
man made after supper of a cheese-paring: when a’
was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked
radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it
with a knife: a’ was the very genius of famine;
yet lecherous as a monkey,
and the whores called him mandrake.
And now is this Vice’s dagger
become a squire, and talks as familiarly of John a
Gaunt as if he had been sworn brother to him; and
I’ll be sworn a’ ne’er saw him but once in the
Tilt-yard; and then he burst his head for crowding
among the marshal’s men. and now has he land and beefs.
Well, I’ll be acquainted with him, if I return;
if the young dace be a bait for the
old pike, I see no reason in the law of nature but I
may snap at him. Let time shape, and there an end.

 

[Exit] Act 3.1 | Act 4.1


Playlist Henry IV Part Two | Dramatis Personea | Plays & Info


Updated: May 25, 2021 — 5:43 pm